Having been on 60-70 dates as result of online-dating hijinks, I consider myself somewhat of a craftsman of the online-dating game. I’ve done the “serious” sites – eHarmony – and the not-so-serious (Plenty of Fish, now endearingly abbreviated as PoF). I’ve met some awesome people and learned a lot, and I even met someone on PoF I have dated on-and-off for 5 years. (Let’s ignore the fact that this could be deemed “dysfunctional.”)
I definitely think the positives outweigh the negatives in online dating, but that’s not to say there isn’t weird, weird stuff that goes on. In celebration of my recent foray back into the online-dating world, here are a few tips for the men on the “less serious” sites who are wondering why girls aren’t responding to their messages.
1. You’re coming off as self-centered. It’s prolly not the best idea to spend the entire first paragraph of the written portion of your profile talking about why you will not drive 45 min to see someone. It’s not that we don’t understand where you’re coming from. It just seems terribly self-centered, no? There’s the other side – the fact that the girl would have to drive 45 min to see you.
2. You’re negative. I received a message yesterday from a gentleman that outlined why I shouldn’t watch TV. (He was responding to a line in my profile.) He signed off by telling me he hoped I didn’t catch crabs.
3. You have a number of pictures with other girls. This makes it look like you think you have to show us that you are desirable to our sex, which then makes us believe you really aren’t.
4. You’re rocking the typical selfie profile pic. If you are going to take a cell-phone picture of yourself in the mirror and make it your main image, please wear a shirt, and please don’t pull it up to show your sick six pack. UNLESS you don’t have a six pack and are making fun of these kinds of images. This type of ironic behavior is acceptable and potentially encouraged.
5. Your messages are too short and/or not checked for grammar and spelling. I once had a date who told me he reconsidered going out with me because I typed: “I hope your having a great Wednesday!” And I actually understood. Grammar and spelling errors are gross. I also received a message yesterday that simply said, “I love you so.” I mean, of course I kept it, but I’m not gonna respond.
6. You send a form email. You would think after all the pleas not to do this, and 10+ years of online dating, this wouldn’t happen anymore. It does. “Dear [insert profile name here], I really enjoyed your profile. I am a single, employed male who enjoys snuggling with my girl on the weekends. I think we have a lot in common. Hit me up if you’re interested.”
Sometimes online dating can get you down, not because you’re not having luck (which is entirely possible), but because you’re worried about people in general. Are there that many people out there like this IRL? I really hope not, for everyone’s sake.